Program Topics
Maybe you are searching among the branches, for what only appears in the roots.
– Rumi
Do you know who you are? How many of your life’s problems are connected to not knowing the answer to this question? There is an ocean of difference between knowing you and knowing something about you. Almost everything you know about you comes from people around you.
Your way of life is more a result of unconscious conditioning than a product of your conscious choice. You are the sum total of all the conditionings of your parents, friends, family, education system, social structure, moral values, and habits put together.
Your true identity is hidden behind this veil of conditioning. Throughout your life, the conditioning process adds different layers to your reality. It adds layers of behaviors, attitudes, habits, expressions, and experiences based on your interactions with people around you. This process replaces your true identity with a false one.
This is why, the more attached you are to your conditionings, the more insecure and lost you feel. Just for a moment, pause and reflect on what you know about yourself. If you were to write a book about your Self, what would it be about? Would it be about the real you or would it simply be about all your social conditionings?
Most people are not even aware of the difference between their real identity and the identity born out of social conditioning. For example, if I were to ask you “Who are you?” and you were to answer, “I am a doctor”, your answer only tells me something about what you do; it says absolutely nothing about who you are.
The identity of a “doctor” is simply your social identity; it has nothing to do with who you are. On the contrary, if you were to answer the same question with something like, “I am an extremely compassionate and caring human being who loves life”–now that tells me something about you. The difference between the real you and the conditioned you is always a matter of depth. While the real you is at a deeper level, the conditioned you is at the surface; it is superficial.
The American dream
An American businessman was standing at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish.
“How long did it take you to catch them?” the American asked.
“Only a little while” the Mexican replied.
“Why don’t you stay out longer and catch more fish?” the American then asked.
“I have enough to support my family’s immediate needs” the Mexican said.
“But” the American then asked, “What do you do with the rest of your time?”
The Mexican fisherman said: “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take a siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life, senor.”
The American scoffed: “I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing, and with the proceeds you could buy a bigger boat, and with the proceeds from the bigger boat, you could buy several boats. Eventually
you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman, you would sell directly to the consumers, eventually opening your own can factory. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually NYC where you will run your expanding enterprise.”
The Mexican fisherman asked: “But senor, how long will this all take?”
To which the American replied: “15-20 years.”
“But what then, senor?”
The American laughed and said: “That’s the best part. When the time is right, you would announce an IPO – an Initial Public Offering – and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich. You would make millions.”
“Millions, senor? Then what?”
The American said slowly: “Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take a siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos…”
Whether you identify yourself with your superficial social identity or with your deeper real identity determines your level of certainty, happiness, confidence, courage, and your overall quality of life. As a part of our modern lifestyle, most of us are facing physical, psychological and emotional challenges because we have identified ourselves with our superficial social selves.
We are easily agitated and disturbed because we are functioning from our social center instead of our real existential center. We are all born with an abundance of life’s great qualities of courage, love, compassion, confidence, intelligence and awareness. We were absolutely fine as long as we operated from this existential center, but as social conditioning slowly shifted our identity to the surface, we became more and more fearful, uncertain, and miserable. As individuals, a great challenge we are facing today is this identity crisis.
Let’s look at some ways of going beyond our identity crisis:
Gaining a deeper understanding of life:
The only way to know the difference between our real identity and our superficial identity is to explore our inner selves and gain a deeper understanding of who we are and how we function. There is an ocean of activity happening within us in the form of thoughts, emotions, desires, dreams, intentions, and many other dynamic processes.
The interconnectivity between these processes collectively creates our self-identity. Observing these internal processes on a daily basis will give us more insight into the nature of our reality. Shifting our attention from the external world to this inner reality is one of the most significant changes we can make in the direction of understanding ourselves better. Instead of looking at experiences as independent external happenings, we have to fully realize that experiences are created within us.
When we are able to observe how anger, fear, jealousy, stress, and anxiety are created within us, we will be able to gain control over them. Without gaining a deeper insight into our lives, all we can do is complain about the external circumstances that are affecting us.
Going beyond our unconscious conditioning:
Deep-rooted habits are a result of unconscious social conditioning. Learning to go beyond certain habits will help us to go beyond this. We have developed automatic habits in almost every aspect of our lives: How long we sleep, how much we talk, how often we get angry or frustrated, what kind of thoughts we generate on a daily basis, and
how we look at people around us are all a part of our unconscious social conditioning. All our habits have simply happened to us; we did not consciously choose them. To go beyond this automatic conditioning, we have to bring in consciousness and make it a part of our moment-to-moment living experience. By making an effort to consciously choose our habits and experiences, we can slowly gain control over our lives and eventually find our true identity.
When we are fully conscious and available to the present moment, we operate from our true center. In moments of unconsciousness, we operate out of our social center. Consciousness is the key factor in determining which identity we operate from.
Doing what we love:
We are constantly struggling to understand our true identity because most of the time we are doing something that doesn’t resonate with our inner being. Modern lifestyle has made work simply a matter of economics. When we are stuck doing something we don’t enjoy, we will be in a constant state of confusion about who we truly are.
Our identity is deeply connected to our thoughts, desires, emotions and actions. This identity is perfectly aligned when we are doing something we love, and is in total disagreement when we force ourselves to do things we don’t like. The biggest change we can bring in our lives to connect with our true identity is finding what we love and spending a major part of our day doing it.
There is a lot of difference between doing something you enjoy and doing something you love; enjoyment is momentary, but love is permanent. Doing something you love is crucial if you want to discover your true identity.
Now, let’s look at a technique you can practice on a daily basis to gain a deeper understanding of your life, go beyond your automatic conditioning, and find out what resonates with you. The solution to your problems of identity crisis lies in picking up a regular habit of learning more about your inner self. Meditation is one of the best ways of doing this.
Regular practice of meditation will help you to re-look at life from a totally new perspective – Your Perspective. Up until now, you have been constantly influenced by people around you. Since their identity is intermixed with yours, you are not able to clearly see who you are. Regular practice of meditation is the best way to go beyond your social conditioning to discover your true identity.
I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: ‘If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?’ And whenever the answer has been ‘No’ for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.
– Steve Jobs
Methods & Techniques
Self-Centered Meditation
This can be practiced along with your daily meditation and mindfulness practice. Pick a single point on your body and designate it as your “Self-center”. This center can be your breath, your heart, your forehead, the tip of your finger or any other part of your body that you are comfortable watching.
While you are sitting in your meditation posture, keep your focus on this designated center. Internally affirm to yourself that this is your true center. Tell yourself that all other centers are external to you and this is your only real center.
Affirm this for a few minutes and continue to keep your focus on it. Every time your mind drifts, gently bring it back to this center. Every time you come back to this center, just remember the feeling of coming back home. Make this center your true home and remember to come back to it as often as possible during your meditation.
With regular practice, this center will become your true identity. Every time you are lost in multiple thoughts and experiences, simply come back to this center. Use this center as an anchor to bring some stability to your actions. After a while, this physical center will become a more subtle internal center which will become a part of your reality.
All this sounds impossible until you get into regular practice. Your true identity is not totally lost; it is only submerged under layers of conditioning. This process will help you to find that neutral center which has always been a part of you.
You can also practice this exercise throughout the day. Amidst the various activities of life you can make a conscious effort to keep remembering this designated center. Every time you are being carried away by your thoughts, try to remember to come back to your self-center.
When your awareness is on this center you are rooted in the present moment, and your true identity is always in the present moment. With regular practice of this exercise throughout the day, you will learn how not to get carried away by different thoughts, emotions and experiences.
Being rooted in the present moment is the best way to find your true identity. The present is the center of your life, and thoughts are simply the periphery. Every time you make an effort to remember this center in your body, you will be making an effort to function from your true identity.
Questions For Reflection
Question 1: After completing this lesson, how do you answer the question “who am I?”
Question 2: Which parts of your life are “outside” and which parts are “inside”? How do you know the difference?
Question 3: How does “what you do” correspond with “who you are”?
Question 4: How can you get to know your inner self better?
Question 5: What is an identity crisis?