Program Topics
I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.
– Oscar Wilde
Emotion is a force. More than anything else, we human beings are emotional creatures. Our thoughts, behaviors and actions can never be separated from our emotions.
Contrary to the popular understanding that it is our thoughts that generate our emotions, in reality it’s always our emotions that generate our thoughts. This is why it is impossible to have nice and pleasant thoughts when we are angry or depressed. Learning to control our emotions is the only way to control our thoughts and eventually control our lives.
Have you ever wondered why you cannot consistently follow-up on your own desires and intentions? Why is it that you can decide to do something one moment and make a complete U-turn on it the next? It’s because you are not made up of one single coherent personality; your emotions divide you into multiple personalities.
You only appear like a single coherent individual from the outside, but from the inside you are more like a mob. Life is such a complicated and difficult affair precisely because you have to constantly deal with this mob of multiple personalities.
Each of your emotions is an independent reality through which different personalities express themselves. This is why the angry you is totally different from the relaxed you, the self-confident you is totally different from the fearful you, and the confused you is totally different from the calm and composed you.
There is nothing inherently good or bad in us. Our behavior is controlled by our emotions; therefore, our ability to handle our emotions is what makes us good or bad. Reports are that nearly 90% of crimes are crimes committed in a sudden impulse of uncontrolled emotion.
Emotion is the strongest force of existence, and not knowing how to handle it can ruin our lives. On the contrary, learning how to handle our emotions gives us tremendous strength to deal with different situations of life.
A lot of our problems are related to how we interact with people. When we are dealing with people, we are dealing with their emotions. Emotional balance brings stability to our human interactions.
To be able to control something, we need to understand it first. Let’s try to understand the nature of emotions and how it affects us. Emotions are either positive or negative, and are intricately connected to the state of our body. If our body is in a state of disturbance, it gives rise to negative emotions.
Similarly, when the body is most relaxed and comfortable, it generates positive emotions. This is how our physical well-being affects our mental well-being. One of the most important components of controlling our emotions is maintaining a healthy body.
Apart from the physical body being a trigger for our positive and negative emotions, our emotions are simply a matter of habit. We have unconsciously cultivated a pattern of how to get into positive and negative states.
Of course we use our thoughts to connect to different emotions, but thoughts by themselves have no power over our emotions. We cannot control our emotions by changing our thoughts.
The only way to control our emotions is by practicing how to control them; there are no indirect methods of emotional control. Positive thinking is probably the most useless exercise we can use to try to control our emotions. Positive thinking works only when we are already in some sort of positive emotional state before we are engulfed by an emotion.
When we are in the middle of a powerful emotion, thinking is of very little consequence. This is why the techniques we learn during anger therapy are least effective when we are angry!
Thinking is an overrated phenomenon. We have given so much importance to thinking that it is prescribed as a solution for all our emotional problems. Psychological methods used in America to treat emotional problems are based on altering thoughts.
Because of this fundamental misunderstanding of the relationship between thought and emotion, it is not a surprise that a majority of people never completely go beyond their emotional problems using these methods. We have been mistaken to think that our emotions are a result of our thinking. If emotion is the sky, thoughts are the clouds; changing the color of the clouds will not change the quality of the sky. We have to deal with our emotions directly.
An emotion is like a a big boulder rolling down the hill. We cannot stop or control it using a fishnet of thoughts. The only way to deal with emotions is to learn how to quickly recognize the emotion and handle it before it goes out of control; it is difficult to deal with an emotion when it has reached its peak intensity level.
If we are able to recognize the first signs of the emotional boulder moving, we can immediately stop it using the strength of our will.
Our emotions are also very deeply connected to our personality and ego. Emotion by itself is simply a force. When this force is acted upon by the intentions and desires of our ego, it can either become useful or destructive.
The same emotion takes different expressions in different people. Whether an emotion takes a positive or a negative direction depends entirely on our egos. Our ego is a set pattern of behavior that has been distilled through all our different experiences of life. Emotions can more readily be handled when we accept change as a part of our reality.
Think about it: Aren’t emotional problems in some way connected to our reluctance to change? This is how the ego influences our emotions. Our egos and emotions are perfectly contradictory forces. While emotion is a pure energy that is changing all the time, our ego is that part of us that simply doesn’t want to change.
Understanding this dynamic inner-functioning mechanism of our emotions and ego gives us the needed clarity and strength to deal with them.
Our life is a fine balance of different emotions, thoughts, and experiences. Cultures all around the world have tried to understand this emotional balance in some way.
The main difference between eastern and western culture is the different approaches taken to understand this inner balance of life. The western society has taken a philosophical and logical route to solve the problem of human emotions. It has created numerous psychological theories and concepts to understand the nature of our mind and emotions.
The eastern culture, however, took a more direct scientific approach of consciously watching the inner world of thoughts and emotions to understand them fully. The psychological approach simply takes us on a wild goose chase of different emotions, without ever helping us to develop the necessary strength to deal with them. The scientific approach of watching internal emotions has always helped us to solve our emotional problems.
Now let’s look at an exercise through conscious observation, which you can practice on a regular basis to get complete control over your emotions.
How you react emotionally is a choice in any situation.
Methods & Techniques
Emotional Well-being Exercise:
This exercise can be practiced in two different ways: It can be practiced either as a part of your daily meditations or as a part of your mindfulness practice. Meditating on your emotions is one of the best ways to understand the nature of your emotions and gain control over them.
Choose a comfortable place and settle into your relaxed posture. Slowly bring your attention to your current emotional state. We are always in some sort of emotional state; even boredom and doing nothing is an emotional state. Become aware of the emotional state you are in right now. Begin to watch this feeling and all its associated sensations. Pay close attention to your body sensations. Every emotion creates specific sensations in the body. Try to connect your emotional state to the sensations of the body.
Continue to do this exercise for about 15 minutes. You will slowly begin to notice that your emotions are constantly changing. In one moment you are relaxed, and in another you are confused. In one moment you are feeling good, and in another you are feeling stressed or bored. Identify all these constantly-fluctuating emotions. Try to stay with each emotion for as long as possible before the emotion changes.
Through constant observation, you will be able to see the underlying patterns of emotions. These patterns will help you to clearly see how your emotions function, what are the triggers for your emotions, and how you can handle them. The key to this exercise is staying relaxed just enough to be able to clearly see the flowing emotions. It is a lot easier to watch your emotions this way during a peaceful meditation, rather than in the middle of a busy day. Regular practice of this meditation will help you to gain control over your emotions.
Another way of practicing this exercise is by being mindful of your emotions throughout the day. Pick a specific day for this exercise. Decide to watch each and every emotion of yours throughout the day. Every time you notice a strong emotion developing within you, stop yourself immediately and make a note of the emotion. Make a conscious decision to stop and watch all your strong emotions.
For example, if someone irritates you, immediately stop and observe the process of how the emotion of irritation is being generated within you. All you have to do is to keep reminding yourself to stop every time you feel a strong emotion. Anger, fear, jealousy, frustration, happiness, peace, confusion, and boredom can all be stopped and watched.
Although this exercise is slightly more difficult than your regular meditation, its rewards are great. Regular practice of this exercise will help you to stop every time you notice a strong emotion surging within you. This will help you to control an emotion before it engulfs you completely.
Meditation on the Breath
Questions For Reflection
Question 1: How can we stop an emotion before it gets control of us?
Question 2: What are a few daily practices that can be done to learn how to handle emotions?
Question 3: Which comes first: thoughts or emotions? Why?
Question 4: Why is psychology not effective in treating mental problems?
Question 5: Does our physical health have anything to do with our emotional health? In what way?